What my assault taught me about reporting on trauma
Buckle up girlies. This letter is about to be a RIDE. Kudos if you make it to the end.
Okay y’all, something super scary happened to me on Tuesday.
My apartment building has a gated, underground parking garage. On Tuesday around 6:30pm, I pulled into my space which faces the gate. I notice this white dude, wearing black cargo shorts and a black t-shirt, walking up to the gate. Just before the gate closes, he manages to get in. I don’t recognize him…and he looked a little off. So I decided to wait in my driver’s seat and let him do his thing.
Much to my surprise he walks in a round-about way up to my car and OPENS MY DOOR.
I felt flabbergasted and terrified.
With his left hand, he brandishes a needle and says, “can I get some coffee?”
I’m so confused. Do you want some WHAT?! This isn’t Starbucks, sis.
“You want what,” I ask him, starring dead into his eyes.
“Coffee. Can I get some coffee,” he replies.
I then realized this dude is high.
“I’m sorry. But you have to go,” I said, being much too kind.
He just stares at me. Dead in my eyes. He’s not moving.
I am also frozen. The man is brandishing a weapon.
What do I do? Do I scream for help?
It dawns on me I’m holding my keys! And I can press my panic button to create noise!! So, I press it.
*beep*
He doesn’t move. I press it again.
*beep* *beep*
He doesn’t move. But THEN, a car pulls into the gate. I press it again. And the gate starts to move.
He slams my door and walks quickly down the ramp to the second floor, out of sight.
I jump out of my car and warn the driver of the car so the same thing doesn’t happen to her.
This sounds scary. Right?! It was. I went to my room and cried.
But honestly, this was a blip in comparison to what I was about to endure in the next 24 hours.
I call 911 and tell the operator, and the officer he later connected, a detailed description of what happened. I leave my contact info and ask them to call if they need anything else.
I let my parents know what happened and go on an incohesive Twitter rant.
After the incident, I felt terrible. Not only did I miss my cardio and yoga classes at my bougie gym, I felt trapped in my overpriced studio apartment. The last time I saw the dude, he was behind the gate and had easy access to the elevator leading to my apartment. I’m not leaving.
I go to work the next day and very quickly realize I’m still trying to cope with the incident.
My amazing (and extremely supportive) bosses let me leave for the day and I drove straight to the prescient that responded to my incident. I told the officer at the front desk what happened and said I want to do a report. (I honestly just wanted a public record of what happened. That’s all.)
But the officer strongly discourages me from filing a report. Why? Because an attempted carjacking happened around the same time and they are pretty sure it’s the same person. This literally makes no sense though…he committed (or at least tried to) multiple crimes. So, shouldn’t they want to document that?
I told him that I at least needed a copy of the report. He tells me no.
Sidebar: For non-journalists reading this. Please know that you have a RIGHT to public records. It is your RIGHT. DO NOT EVER accept this response. The answer should always be yes. ALWAYS!!!
So obviously, that’s ridiculous. And I tell him to get me a copy of the report and the report number. And that I want to file a report.
He disappears in the back for a while and comes back. At this point, there are roughly 4 other people in the lobby, awaiting his return. He comes back (after what seemed like a long time), and says tthe report isn’t ready (which okay, that might be plausible), and that an officer will be out to take my statement.
Cool. So I wait. And wait. Annnnnd wait.
This officer comes out, walks up to me and asks me what happened. I go through the incident, again, in front of everyone in the lobby. He stares blankly at me and says he’s not going to create a report.
“Why,” I ask.
“Because a crime didn’t happen,” he said.
“A man came into my car and threatened me with a needle.”
“Okay but tell me what crime occurred. Name the crime.”
“….panhandling? IDK! I’m not a lawyer. But I know folks don’t have the right to enter private property without their consent.”
“Well, you left your doors unlocked.”
“New cars have this feature where the doors automatically unlock when the car is in park. I didn’t realize it doors weren't locked.”
“A crime didn’t happen,” he said.
A woman near the door yells at him “she just told you he threatened her with a needle.”
He ignores her. I demand to speak with his boss. He complies and leaves.
This is so insane. He’s literally telling me that it’s not a crime for a man to, without permission, enter MY car and threaten me with a needle. Also, they’re telling me the same man tried to carjack another woman around the same time nearby, Shouldn’t they at least want an eye witness placing him in the vicinity?
Yall….I have never in my life felt so gaslit. I was literally wondering if he’s right…and if what happened to me wasn’t really that bad and if I’m just being dramatic.
At this point, I’m so desperate to get something on the record. His boss comes out and sort of tells me something similar…but in a very different way. It went something like this:
What happened to you was terrible. I’m very sorry. But when we take cases to the DA, it is under their discretion to bring charges. We don’t believe they would consider this a crime. But we will take your statement and add it as a supplement to the attempted carjacking. If the DA decides to make your incident into its own case, we will call you and do another report.
Listen, this is somewhat understandable. I watch tons of SVU. I get that it’s all about what you can prove. But his response is astronomically better than the dude who works for him.
Why? Because he is acknowledging the incident was traumatic and giving access to create a public record. He eventually connects me with the detective on the case. (He is amazing, by the way). Together, he and I piece together what happened that night. (In addition to carjacking, the dude went up to another person in the garage. He was also seen walking out of my building two days prior.) He takes my statement and we exchange contact info.
The detective calls me a few hours later to inform me they deem my incident an assault.
So, yay! This is exciting. The government I pay taxes to has agreed to go after the person who intended me harm. But assault? I didn’t really know what it legally meant. So I looked it up:
Here is what California’s penal code states:
An assault is an unlawful attempt, coupled with a present ability, to commit a violent injury on the person of another.
And the punishment:
An assault is punishable by fine not exceeding one thousand dollars ($1,000), or by imprisonment in the county jail not exceeding six months, or by both.
I started crying when I read this. What happened to me is clearly outlined in the California code as assault. Yes, I’m a reporter. But I’m not a lawyer. I don’t have this stuff in the back of my mind. He’s asking me to “name the crime” when it’s his job to know this.
His dismissal re-traumatized me.
“But you didn’t lock the door.”
“He didn’t suggest harm by asking for coffee.”
But it was the threat was implicit. He brandished a needle. I told the officer this, and yet. Nothing.
The assault is getting a lot easier to talk about. But my attempts to use the system to document my assault? That one is harder.
Talking to victims is tricky. I learned this from my encounter with the officer but also from the messages people sent in an attempt to comfort me.
“Stay safe.” (Um, what does this even mean? I was supposedly in a safe place…and yet....)
“Why weren’t your doors locked? You need to lock your car doors.” (No shit.)
When we as journalists talk to victims, it is vitally important we are clear from the jump that we believe them. Yes, we are taught to be skeptical. About everything. And we should be!
But when you are talking to someone who has just been through something traumatic, dismissal and skepticism make victims clench up. I clenched up.
And doing so also suggests you don’t believe they actually had something terrible occur. And if you don’t believe them, what’s the point of them talking to you?
Yes, asking hard-hitting questions is part of the job. Vett the hell out of their story. Turn over every rock. Climb every mountain. Ford every stream. Follow every rainbow, till you are 100 percent solid on the facts. But if during an interview you need to ask for clarification, you must be clear you aren’t asking because you’re skeptical. You’re just asking so you are clear what occurred. When you’re clear, so is the reader.
Yall, I’m telling you, just doing this makes all the difference in the world.
So am I fine? Honestly, not really. They still haven’t found the dude. I’m like Harriet the Spy every time I walk outside my door, trying to locate this man.
I purchased two hot pink pepper sprays. (The one on the left.) And I keep finding myself trying to downplay what happened. I was not physically touched….but every time I go into my garage, I am tense.
But I survived. That’s what’s important. I have nowhere to go but forward.
Thanks again to all who reached out.
Until next time girlies,
EBL
PS: I’m not saying which law enforcement agency is handling my case. LA county's jurisdictions are extremely confusing. So don’t even try guessing. Only one person knows which agency I’m working with. Why? Because He Slaps.