GIRLIES!
I saw this tweet and I remembered that I failed to post a new letter last week! I have been dealing with A LOT. Some good. Some not so good.
If you have no idea what I’m referring to, read my last letter. If you’re in a rush, here’s the TLDR:
Earlier this month, I was assaulted by a man brandishing a needle. It happened in my car located inside my apartment building’s parking garage. I went to law enforcement to make a report because I wanted a public record of what happened. They discouraged me from filing a report and insisted the incident was NOT a crime. After A LOT of pushing, I was able to connect with a detective who deemed it an assault (because that’s what it was). 70% of the trauma I have is not from the assault— it’s from the officers who gaslit me.
This is my first time dealing with something so extreme. And, apparently, my way of dealing with trauma is telling the ENTIRE world about my struggles. I’ve written a lot since the incident. Much of it, I wasn’t willing to publish.
I think my hesitancy stemmed from not wanting to become “the woman who was assaulted and wrote about it.” A label like this seems insular. In part because those who don’t personally know me only interact with me online.
But the truth is, I am a lot of things:
I’m a Southern girlie. I’m a lover of the color pink. I’m a reporter with an extremely underrated Twitter. I’m Black. I’m a woman. I’m a Beyoncé, Kacey Musgraves and sweet tea stan. I love vino Italiano and I am also the woman who was assaulted and wrote about it.
Labels are not necessarily bad. Giving people, places and things labels is how humans are able to connect, communicate and accomplish so much. Labels have also torn us apart along racial, ethnic, class religious and lines. Some people don’t like labels. And that’s fine. I completely understand why.
But for me, embracing the label of “the woman who was assaulted and wrote about it” is important because it’s a way for me to conceptualize for myself and other reporters how to talk with traumatized sources.
Omg! I almost forgot the tweet that prompted this letter!! Okay, here it is:
This spoke to me on SO MANY LEVELS. When I was going through it two weeks back, I listened to tons of HAIM, Alanis Morisette and Taylor Swift.
When I felt sad, I listened to Taylor Swift. I know, I know! Everyone thinks it’s edgy to hate Taylor Swift. But its basically 2020! Plus no one can deny she can write the hell out of a song. Specifically this song:
This is one of her masterpieces. Though it’s about a breakup, this single lyric really spoke to me:
And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all.
GIRLIES! The entire point of my last letter was to say what the great philosopher Taylor Swift sang so eloquently.
The “I’m glad you’re okay” messages I received were SUPER triggering.
Every single time I got that message, I was mentally back in the station where officers refused to listen to me and acted as though I was okay and didn’t have a crime to report. Seeing those messages put me on a seemingly neverending merry-go-round. Every message re-started the ride of tears and despair. And I couldn’t get off even though I desperately wanted to.
Though I knew deep down what yall meant, I was shut down by these messages. Over and over and over again. Why? Because for me, it trivialized the emotional duress I was under during my assault and in the station.
I’m not trying to call anyone out. But I’m writing this because it’s so so so important that when talking to traumatized sources, we listen and understand what they’re saying so you can avoid language that will shut them down. As we all know, when sources shut down, our jobs become astronomically harder.
It should be noted that I did NOT spend the entirety of the last two weeks crying. I was also ANGRY! Why? Well, in the words of the iconic Monterey Bay mom:
“I’m a US citizen. I’m allowed to stand on American ground and ask any question I want to ask….THIS IS BEYOND.”
I pay entirely too much in taxes to have dealt with the officers’ dismissive incompetence!!!!.
So, when I was angry at the GAUL of law enforcement, I blasted Alanis. In the car, in the shower and in my kitchen. I’ve been on an Alanis kick for the last few days….So much so that it spawned this AMAZING YET UNDERAPPRECIATED tweet.
The song is All I Really Want. Its the first track on Jagged Little Edge. Go follow me on twitter and stan my tweet. THANKS! SKSKSKSKKS
Until next time Girlies!!!
-EBL
PS: I have just under 100 subscribers. But my last post got nearly 1500 views! Pretty cool, huh?!